Monday, 8 June 2015

Separate but Together - Another Kind of Intimacy

Original Photo taken from Unsplash
 "I always feel like an intruder when we are together."
That's what he told me, when we decided that it would be for the better to go seperate ways.

I know a lot of people who associate intimacy with togetherness.
Being together with another person, sharing secret stories, or even opening up their deepest wounds for the other are factors that create a deep emotional connection with someone else.

And while I do agree with this concept completely, I feel like being able to separate is just as important.
By separating I mean, that we don't have to cling to each other at any time. We can be in the same room, but there's no need to do something together.

It can be so freeing to just sit side be side without the need to talk with each other or touch each other.
Once you reach that point, when silence becomes natural, that is when true intimacy sets in.

So, intimacy can also mean to let someone be himself and let him do what feels natural to him, even if it doesn't involve the other person. Maybe it's because I find it especially hard to let a person into my little world. And once they are inside my bubble, I feel awkward and out of my element. 
So, being able to do the things that I want to do without having to feel inconsiderate feels very intimate to me. 

For instance, I am not a big cuddler after waking up.
Instead I often feel pretty lousy and sweaty and just want to get out of bed as soon as possible.
Giving me the feeling that I can do that without appearing like a complete dickhead actually brings me closer to a person than huddling under the sheets together.

But I know that my definition of intimacy and togetherness doesn't necesarily correspond to other people's views and that's okay. Because these are the differences that distinguish one human being from the other. That's why people instantly connect with other people who just feel the same as them, but differently compared to the rest of the world.

We are all sailing in our own little boats on this vast, deep ocean and some day I will find someone who appreciates the intimacy of being alone but still together just like me. And I will let him climb into my boat, where we will eventually huddle under the sheets of my bunk.

What does intimacy mean to you?