Monday, 29 February 2016

My Sacred Space

Original Picture taken from StockSnap
When I come home and close the door to my apartment, I feel safe and I can finally fully relax
It is the only place where I can truly be myself and where I am in absolute control of (almost) everything (water pipes can be so unpredictable!). 
So, inviting people over is quite a big deal for me. While I don't mind very close friends, I would never ask an acquaintance I barely know to come visit me. First of all, my apartment is such a personal space, with too many things I do not want to share with other human beings. Also, hosting is so much stress. Most people are pretty low-maintenance, but I'm always worried if everything is alright, if they are comfortable, or if they have enough to drink.

Last Saturday was actually the first time that I invited a colleague from work over. It was quite a spontaneous thing and we had a surprisingly nice evening. We had so many things to talk to about. I didn't even feel as awkward as I had thought I would with a "new person" in my home.
It was a good thing that I had invited her over, for I often feel like I'm not trying hard enough at getting along with my colleagues. But it also strengthened the feeling that only a few selected people should have the privilege of visiting me like that. People, who I am really comfortable with, who know about my little quirks and who don't mind them. Because even though I know that one should always behave naturally in front of other people, I still make an effort to please everyone. 
And things get even more complicated when it comes to physical contact. While I love a good, tight goodbye-hug with my best friends, I'm very cautious when it comes to strangers or people I rarely see. This attitude can look distant and sometimes even snobbish. 

My home is my fortress and my favourite place in the world, because there is just me. 
No expectations, no people, no keeping up appearances. 
To enter it, you have to deserve it.
And I feel like we all should be very careful when asking ourselves if we want someone to com over. As our sanctuary, our home is the last place on earth where we should have to deal with people we do not consider as 100% trustworthy - people who keep us from being the way we really are. 
There is already enough negativity out there. Seriously.

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