|Original Picture Taken from StockSnap|
Tonight was (or better is) this semester's party of my faculty at one of the local clubs. It was supposed to be my last one ever, for I will hopefully done with university by the end of March next year. This alone should be a reason to go and I really planned going there, but a few days ago I started to doubt this decision, because I had no one to go with. A few of my acquaintances from uni were supposed to be there. Eventually, I could have met them at the party, but still that means to go there alone.
There are people who have no problem with going out on their own. They know that they will encounter new people or run into their friends and even if they don't they can just hang aroung the bar while exchanging deep thoughts with the bartender. And while I enjoy, even prefer plenty of activities alone (shopping, watching films, going out for walks, etc.), this is something I can not do.
The feeling when you arrive and all you see consists of a crowd of drunk strangers is just so awkward. You have to make your way through the packed location just to get to this already formed group of people, whom you actually do know and yet it feels like you are the new kid at the playground who invites itself to play with the others. Same goes for asking a group of people before the party if you could tag along. And if you are really out of luck, no one will be there. Nope, not going to do that.
I like being alone, but I don't like feeling isolated or like an outsider within a group.
For a short while I actually thought about going alone. Because I can, you know? Because I am an independent, young woman and if I want to go out I can do that.However, I am not confident enough.
Instead, I put on my pyjamas at about 7 in the evening and spent my time watching Friends, Parks & Rec. while knitting away like an old lady. At least I was able to save some money...
The main reason for me to in the first place, wasn't even the fact that this would be my last party there. It was a guy. The guy who had stood me up not once, but twice this year - on the same day of our planned "date". I hd hoped to meet him there to talk, to tell him what I really think about his behaviour, how much it annoys me. I decided (try to convince maself) that it is not worth it. Why should I go somewhere not to enjoy it, but to put up a silly fight? I am not even sure if I had the courage to do it.
Well, it's past midnight now. So, I won't really be going anywhere tonight except for my bed. And honestly, those parties almost never turn out to be the amazing happening you wanted them to be anyway...