Tuesday, 8 December 2015

Blocked Roads

Original Picture found via StockSnap
 If there is one trait, that I can truly claim for myself, it is laziness
Since I have always preferred to just lie around all day doing nothing instead of studying, working or cultivating myself, I have never considered myself a very driven person. While this attitude has cost me a lot of time and chances to prepare myself of adulthood, I don't have time anymore to run away. 
In one year's time I will hopefully have a job and earn my own money. 

that being said, I have to look for jobs in the first place. At the moment I am researching for my MA, which I plan to finish at the end of March next year. In the meantime I want to look for some traineeships and jobs to apply for. Originally I had planed to start this month, but now that the time has come, I feel so discouraged
Yesterday, a good friend of mine came over telling me that she got an internship at a big company, a company I actually wanted to contact because of their traineeship program (after she told me about her application process, I am not sure about this anymore). 
I am really happy for her that she got this opportunity, but at the same time it makes me wonder if I made the right decisions in the past. We started off with the same bachelor's degree, but while she took a completely different direction with her master (one that is a lot more practical if you ask me), I, on the other side, chose to stay where I was, because I didn't know what else to do.
I've deliberately been stagnating almost ever since I started university.

Now, I am confronted with the big question of what I want to do with it - or rather, what I can do with it. 
It it not much I have to say... I am open for a lot of new directions, but a lot of them require a kind of academic background that I don't have (mostly economics and IT). So, a lot of roads are blocked for me. 

And what do I want to do with my time anyway? I do not want to end up with a job that I hate. I seriously have to start investing some time in getting to know myself and what I want from life. It is a scary process everyone has to go through at one point or another. It is very time consuming and personally, I find it hard to make out my strong points. In the end, they might not be good enough for someone else.

I feel like I have been repeating myself in the past few months, talking about jobs, my life at uni and trying to find the right path for me, but honestly, it is the one thing that I have been thinking about the most. 
And it eats me whole. The same old record playing inside my head over and over again.

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