Sunday, 3 May 2015

When I look into the Mirror

 Every time I look into the mirror, I see a different person.

Sometimes I look into the mirror and I am shocked. Who is that person with the dull skin and those dark circles? On other days, I see myself and think: "Well, you're looking kinda cute today."

This is completely normal. The way we see ourselves is constantly changing. It depends on our mood, our health, how our day has been so far, or what is ahead of us, the way we want to see ourselves and the question if we fill that bill at that particular moment.
And even if we are not satisfied with what we see, someone else can come along and tell us something completely different.

Last summer, there was this short period of time when I regularly met someone. On the day we first met, I did not feel like I was at my peak. I was wearing my Avengers-T-Shirt from the men's section. I hadn't washed my hair that day (and I don't even think the day before) and my face was basically bare. And still he came back into the offce twice until he finally asked me for my number with a boyish smile.
From that moment on, I had this stupid, happy smile on my face for the rest of the day.
Our little adventure didn't last very long, but on the day we met, he saw something in me, that I didn't.

But even now it is sometimes hard for me to accept the way I look. I do not think, that I'm ugly, but especially on photos I am never really satisfied. I rarely like myself on photos. Sometimes I take my camera, position myself in front of the mirror and take photos, so I can see myself in the mirror and on the screen of my camera. While I find myself rather pretty in the mirror, I look simply weird on screen.
So, I always end up deleting every single picture I took during that session and if I can, I avoid being photographed like the plague.
And in those moments I often wonder: "What do I really look like?"
Is it what I see in the mirror or on the photograph? Or is it something in between?

It is hard to see yourself "properly", without this voice inside of your head that lists everything that is allegedly wrong with you - while ignoring everything else that is perfectly adorable.
I like my eyes, my freckles and my teeth, but somehow I always see my "big" nose (which is not even that big) and my round, chubby cheeks or my small mouth. As I said, someone else might tell me something completely different, but that is the way I normally see myself.

The next time I look into the mirror, I want to take a good look at myself and acknowledge the fact that not everything about me is perfect. At the same time I really want to take in all my likeable attributes and smile.
Because a smile is the best way to beautify yourself in a second.

What do you see, when you look into the mirror?

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