Friday, 8 May 2015

Words on Life and Heartbreak

Original photo taken from unsplash
 I am a quote collector. I love writing down quotes and passages that mean something to me. 
And by that I don't mean those plain motivational quotes you find on tumblr, because in all honesty, they are so direct an self-explanatory that I find them completely unnecessary. 

A few months ago I had already published a post about some of my favourite bookish quotes and I still like the idea of sharing what has a deeper meaning for me. So, without further ado, let's dive into the wonderful world of words:
"I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it full speed. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good."     
Roald Dahl
Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.     
Fyodor Dostoevsky, Notes from the Underground
 "Problems begin the moment we're born. We're born with infinite possibilities, only to give up one after another. To choose one thing means to give up on another. That's inevitable. But what can you do? That's what it is to live."                                                                                                       
Hayao Miyazaki
When I like people immensely, I never tell their names to any one. It is like surrendering a part of them. I have grown to love secrecy. It seems to be the one thing that can make modern life mysterious or marvellous to us. The commonest thing is delightful if one only hides it.     
Oscar Wilde, the Picture of Dorian Gray
And thus the heart will break, yet brokenly live on.                                                 
Lord Byron, Childe Harold's Pilgrimage
What are the dead anyway, but waves and energy? Light shining from a dead star?     
Donna Tartt, the secret History
It is sort of weird, if you think abou tit. We live in a pretty apathetic age, yet we're surrounded by an enormous amount of information about other people. If you feel like it, you can easily gather that information about them. Having said that, we still hardly know anything about people.                                                                                                                        
Haruki Murakami, colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and his years of pilgrimage 
"This city is not about other people or buildings or streets but about your mental structure. If we remember what Kafka writes about his castle, we get a sense of it. Cities really are mental conditions."                                                                               
Ai Weiwei 
No loss is felt more keenly that the loss of what might have been. No nostalgia hurts as much as nostalgia for things that never existed.                                                                          
Rabih Alameddine, an unnecessary woman
What are your favourite quotes at the moment?

Sunday, 3 May 2015

When I look into the Mirror

 Every time I look into the mirror, I see a different person.

Sometimes I look into the mirror and I am shocked. Who is that person with the dull skin and those dark circles? On other days, I see myself and think: "Well, you're looking kinda cute today."

This is completely normal. The way we see ourselves is constantly changing. It depends on our mood, our health, how our day has been so far, or what is ahead of us, the way we want to see ourselves and the question if we fill that bill at that particular moment.
And even if we are not satisfied with what we see, someone else can come along and tell us something completely different.

Last summer, there was this short period of time when I regularly met someone. On the day we first met, I did not feel like I was at my peak. I was wearing my Avengers-T-Shirt from the men's section. I hadn't washed my hair that day (and I don't even think the day before) and my face was basically bare. And still he came back into the offce twice until he finally asked me for my number with a boyish smile.
From that moment on, I had this stupid, happy smile on my face for the rest of the day.
Our little adventure didn't last very long, but on the day we met, he saw something in me, that I didn't.

But even now it is sometimes hard for me to accept the way I look. I do not think, that I'm ugly, but especially on photos I am never really satisfied. I rarely like myself on photos. Sometimes I take my camera, position myself in front of the mirror and take photos, so I can see myself in the mirror and on the screen of my camera. While I find myself rather pretty in the mirror, I look simply weird on screen.
So, I always end up deleting every single picture I took during that session and if I can, I avoid being photographed like the plague.
And in those moments I often wonder: "What do I really look like?"
Is it what I see in the mirror or on the photograph? Or is it something in between?

It is hard to see yourself "properly", without this voice inside of your head that lists everything that is allegedly wrong with you - while ignoring everything else that is perfectly adorable.
I like my eyes, my freckles and my teeth, but somehow I always see my "big" nose (which is not even that big) and my round, chubby cheeks or my small mouth. As I said, someone else might tell me something completely different, but that is the way I normally see myself.

The next time I look into the mirror, I want to take a good look at myself and acknowledge the fact that not everything about me is perfect. At the same time I really want to take in all my likeable attributes and smile.
Because a smile is the best way to beautify yourself in a second.

What do you see, when you look into the mirror?