Saturday, 3 May 2014

On being "cute" and why it is not a compliment

As a matter of fact people tend to categorize other people and what is the first thing they judge? Obviously their looks. Audrey Hepburn or Grace Kelly were considered as beautiful. Other women have this aura of sexiness around them. The way she walks and the way she looks around the room as she enters immediately convey the image of a confident and sexy woman.

However there is also a different kind of woman. You might not immediately notice her, but when you see her you think: "Well, she is kind of cute." I am one of these cute women, or at least this is what I make out of other peoples' reactions when they see me.
And I know what they mean.

With a height of 156cm and a small bust I do not really have the measurements of a supermodel. My face is round with soft lines which makes me appear a lot younger than I actually am. I am 23 now, but often get mistaken for maybe 17 or 18. To sum up I am not one of these dashing, confident women who always attract the attention of other people.

Yesterday was another girl's night out and just as usual the male sex did not notice me. Before my friend had told me that in the past few days two complete strangers actually made the effort to talk to her and ask her out. She declined, but was very flattered. Well, I can not blame these guys. She is pretty and she has a unique fashion sense which imediately catches your eye. But my second thought was, that this is something that is never goint to happen to me. Why? Because I am cute, that's why.

However yesterday night, we had already been at this club for over 3 hours, a guy came up to me, grabbed me by the shoulders and said: "Gosh, you're SO cute!" he laughed and just went away. I laughed too and answered: "Thanks, you too!" obviousl I tried to be sassy, but actually I was irritated.

About five minutes later another guy came up to me, telling me I was "cute" and like his forerunner he left immediately.

Are you guys shitting me??

I know they meant no harm. Maybe they honestly thought I was cute enough to actually talk to me, but rather than making me feel flattered, they left me with a feeling of utmost insecurity. No guy ever talks to me, because he is interested and if they appear to be interested all they can say is that I am "so cute". Why not pretty or beautiful or lovely?

Cuteness is not a negative trait. We use it on things we like - like puppies and kittens or that little dress we saw at a shop recently, but used on an actual person that is not a child anymore it feels strange. At least after several years of being referred to solely as cute. The thought which always arises in such moments is: "They don't take me seriously. I am not equal to them."

I understand that a lot of these sexy women I referred to ealier are tired of being called that as well. The problem is, that people always have to get to know you better before they see your other traits and realize that you are not just cute or sexy. To get to this point you have to get in contact with a person in the first place - with someone who will shout an adjective at you and leave. And I don't see that happening for me in the near future.

While pure cuteness without a hint of a different more interesting feature is not an insult, it has never opened any doors for me. Life has so much more to offer than running after Mr. Right or stumbling from one romantic adventure to another, but having the feeling of being valued or at least something else than cute sure must be nice.

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