Usually, if I were to write a text on my computer I would sit at my desk.
My back would face the window which reveals a nice view over the backyard and into the apartments on the other side.
This time, it is different. I am sitting on my couch, occasionally looking out of this very window.
The reason for this is, that I am using a new computer - a laptop. My first real laptop.
It is a gorgeous slim Acer notebook, super fast and quiet, sleek and powerful and I can use where ever I want. Right behind me, on my desk, stands my old computer, which I haven't turned on since yesterday.
He is old, yes, but he has been my reliable companion for oh so many years. I can not even count the number of hours I have spent with him during the past years or all the essays and presentations I prepared with him for school and university.
Actually, it was not even neccessary to get a new computer. He is still working just fine, but he has one flaw: Windows XP, only possible upgrade: Windows Vista. Because it is not safe anymore to use him, I had no choice. Sooner or later I would have had to replace him.
Well, I went for sooner rather than later.
It is silly, but I do feel a sense of guilt whenever I look at him - especially now. He does not care about all of this. He does not know about it, but I do and it makes me wonder. How can one get so attached to something actually lifeless?
Maybe I care way too much, but I feel really bad for "abandoning" him after all these years. After all these memories together (yes, I have memories with my computer, don't judge me!). It feels a bit like I imagine what it would be like to betray your partner with someone younger.
I am so attached to this relict from the past, that I can not even put him into his packaging for his by now well deserved retirement. At least not yet.
I know that some people wonder why I even bother enough to write an entire depressing post about this topic, but the thing is, that people are not the only once who influence us or the way we lead our lifes. There are so many material things which do the same: the first car, a certain notebook, a camera or in my case a computer. All these things were parts of our lifes for quite a long time and to me they do not deserve it to be thrown away just like that.
I look at my computer and remember the day I got him. It was a present from my stepdad: an all in one computer from MSI. I saw him standing on my desk and thought it was just a new screen, but no, it was an entire computer! You can not imagine how happy I was at that time. When I moved out I took him with me and when I moved again last year, he accompanied me again.
Damn, why does this have to be so hard?
And the fact that it was a present doesn't make it easier.
I guess, I need a few more days, but then it really is time to move on.