Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Disconnected or Me without the internet

For about a whole week I was completely isolated from the outside world. Due to problems with my provider my internet and telephone connection had collapsed, leaving me in pure despair. What followed was the usual pattern of behaviour:

You keep refreshing the Google main page and checking your router with that little spark of hope, that it miraculously starts to work again, but no luck.
Soon you just want to curl up in a dark corner of your apartment and cry like a baby – or like a an alcoholic who just finished his last bottle of whiskey and then realizes, that all the shops are closed. I do know, that I spend the majority of my life either in bed or in front of a computer on the internet, but once my internet connection fails, I realize just how dependend I am.
Youtube, Tumblr, Facebook, Blogs... all the things that I honestly enjoy a lot, but can not access. It makes me mad! On top of that I can not work on my uni stuff properly and during that week without internet I had to prepare 3 presentations!

On a side note: The library of my university, where I have access to internet for free, is about 20 minutes away from my home, but pssshhhtt! I never said that!

I mean, the thing is: I want to enjoy my internet at home. There are some guilty pleasures which are not supposed to be let out in public. You simply can not watch a vlog by Essiebutton in your library! You have to wear your pajamas and drink a nice cup of tea with it for God's sake!
And concerning uni? Well, who does not search for an excuse to slack off a bit from time to time?
The same goes for working out: As long as I can not access my workout playlist on Youtube, there is no use trying it, right? ;)

Well, at this point I might have to admit something: I did not spend the whole week without internet. During the weekend I packed my things and dashed off to my parents' house where I could also get my presentations done. However, it is not the same.

Being without internet is like losing a friend... temporary. I had to laugh about myself, when I wanted to take the bus and realized, that I could not look up the schedule and felt completely lost. I was not even able to look up the weather report. Little things like that show me how insecure I actually am.

Nevertheless, without the internet you start to enjoy other things more. During the evenings I just lounged on my sofa watching „New Girl“ or I went to bed earlier to read a bit more than I usually do.

Frankly, the internet does not affect the way I lead my social life. I do not get together more with my friends, because the internet is down, but because I feel like it. The absence or presence of the internet rather affects the way I spend my me-time.

Maybe some people expect me to finish this text off by saying how much I enjoyed being „offline“ and that it made me realize that there are so many things which are more important. Well guys, you are horribly mistaken. Actually, I want to conclude this post by saying something completely different:

Internet, thank you for being there for me, for cheering me up and keeping me on track 24/7. I know, your life is not always easy and sometimes everyone needs a little break, because people can be very demanding. But I have one little favour :

Do.not.leave.me.alone.again.
Please.


Tuesday, 19 November 2013

The comfort of isolation

Ever since I was a child I enjoyed the comfort of being at home – alone. Of course, as a human being, social interaction is indispensable. Sharing and creating memories with your loved ones is a wonderful aspect of life. But still, there are people who gain their strength and inner balance not from social interaction, but from being all by themselves.
Well yes, I am one of them. To me, there is nothing as relaxing as spending an entire day (or in my case night, because I am a nightowl) all alone just watching a nice film, eating a lot and exploring the wonders (or mainly abysses) of the internet. To a „properly socialised“ human being this might seem very dull and unproductive. While the last point is definitely true, there is just one thing I can say:

Dude, this is how I roll!

And I am sure that there are many other people like me out there.
I enjoy my precious me-time a lot, but it does not mean that I despise being around other people. Just like everyone else I enjoy spending days with my friends. The thing is just, that my „recovery time“ afterwards is a bit longer.

This „recovery time“ is what my body and mind need to calm down and focus on other aspects of life. This whole process is not about being selfish or self-centered, but about doing what feels good for you, so your mind stays sane. You do not want to go on everybodys' nerves by becoming all ill-tempered and a real drag.

On a sidenote I have to say, that I am very lucky to have friends who respect this part of my character and who accept it, that sometimes I simply do not want to be available. And on certain days it can be a lot more relaxing to lay on the couch all day, watch „Pride and Prejudice“ and eat a wonderful self-made happy meal, than to run around town and interact.

Especially now, that I am living alone I really started to appreciate my appartment as a shelter. A shelter where nothing can disturb me and where I find everything that my heart desires. And sometimes I even invite someone over to enjoy this little sanctuary of mine together and of course create new memories.